Worth Less

That’s right.  Not “worthless.”  Worth Less.  As in “worth less than…”  You know how sometimes people say they’re worth more dead than alive?  Especially in movies, some guy will lament that nobody wants him around, and he can’t do anything right.  So because he has life insurance that will take care of his family or whatever, he’s worth more dead than alive.  Not me.  I have no life insurance and no savings, so I’m actually less than worthless.  If I died tonight, nobody but my mother would miss me, and only her because she has this OCD thing going on.  Nobody needs or wants me around.  But since I have no insurance, there’s nothing to pay my bills or funeral costs.  I would actually end up costing somebody money if I died.  FML, as they say.

After nearly a year of looking for work and asking for my medical problems to be recognized, I find that I have lost the war.  Not just the battle, but the war.  I can’t do much because of carpal tunnel, my former employer is fighting me on unemployment, I’m fat and ugly so I can’t get either a good job or a significant other, and my dream job doesn’t have a leg to stand on.  I’m so sick of not being able to afford even the basic necessities, mooching off of my parents, begging to borrow off of my brother and listening to him whine about it all the time, and just feeling hopeless and worthless.  I just want it to end.

But I can’t do that myself.  Not until I know it won’t be a burden to my financially strapped family.  As big of a burden as I am now, it would be worse with a $10k or so funeral bill to deal with.  So I guess I’ll scrimp for a while and see where it gets me.  The irony is that if I could save up $10k, I wouldn’t be so worthless anymore.  Or at least, I wouldn’t be worth less than worthless.