Not Here

“I’m just trying to make the food last,” she says.  Last for whom, exactly?  I would like to know.  I live here too, and she’s always saying “help yourself.”  But when I actually reach for something, I get the old “what a pig” look, or she whines behind my back about money.  I’m not working right now, either, you blockhead.  Make up your damn mind.
She still buys his food, and he’s got a good paying job.  Why should I still be made to feel like a burden?  I admit, I’m not worth much.  But if you claim to care about someone, shouldn’t you show it?  Just saying it isn’t worth much, either.

That’s okay.  I didn’t want more than one meal today anyway.  Everyone else had two bowls, and I only had one, but hey, I’m not worth much.  I’m out of vitamins, nearly out of food and water, but hey, everyone else is far more important than I am.  Maybe when I sell my last possession, I can pay you back for that bowl of cereal I ate this morning.

You say I should take care of myself?  Why?  I’m not worth much.  Besides, taking care of oneself is expensive.  Maybe I should leave so that I don’t bother you anymore, so that you don’t have to think about all the trouble I’ve caused  you.  Don’t mind me, I’ve never lived in the gutter before.  It’ll be an adventure.
Melodramatic?  Maybe.  But all I wanted was what everyone else had.  You hide shit from me all the time.  Like I’m a zombie just waiting for a chance to pounce and eat everything.  I’m so fucking sick of being treated like a burden and annoyance.  You don’t even talk to me anymore.  You used to say that you wanted me around to talk to.  Well, I stayed.  I’m still here.  But I’m not a part of the family anymore, am I?  I’m not worth enough.  I worked my ass off for over a decade.  Then, I got hurt.  So now I’m worthless.  I didn’t know we were living in a communist country.  I guess that prick on Faux Newz was right.

Maybe I am being immature.  Maybe it was just a silly thing, not worth fighting over.  But all those silly things add up, and you worked hard to keep me immature for your own ego.  Would you notice if I were gone?  Probably.  Would you care?  Only as far as it annoyed you not to have all your ducks in a row.  I’m just a knick-knack on the wall at this point.  Not worth much.  Not really even here most of the time.